SONG: Iowa Infomercial Institute

I WANTED TO BE AN ACTRESS

I WANTED TO BE A STAR.

I WANTED TO BE WORLD FAMOUS

BUT I NEVER REALLY WANTED TO WORK THAT HARD.

WHAT WAS I TO DO ABOUT IT?

WANTED SUCCESS WITHOUT THE WORK.

AS YOU CAN SEE, MY ASSETS WERE IN PLACE.

AND SHOWING A LITTLE CLEAVAGE SURE DIDN’T HURT.

SOME PEOPLE MAY CALL ME A BIMBO.

THEY’RE JEALOUS JUST BECAUSE I’M CUTE.

I LEARNED A LOT WHEN I WENT TO SCHOOL IN DES MOINES.

AT THE IOWA INFOMERCIAL INSTITUTE.

I MET THE DEAN OF ADMISSIONS

HOPING THAT I’D MAKE THE GRADE

HE TOLD ME ABOUT HIS ENTRANCE EXAM

SO MY PLANS WEREN’T THE ONLY THINGS GETTING LAID.

FIRST MONTH I LEARNED HOW TO SMILE

FOUND OUT WHAT HAND TOOLS ARE FOR.

DID YOU KNOW THERE’S A DOZEN DIFFERENT WAYS

TO DOUBLE YOUR SALES BY SAYING, "BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE!"

OKAY, SO THEY SAY I’M NO GENIUS.

THAT CONCLUSION IS REALLY QUITE ASTUTE.

BUT I KNOW HOW TO SELL THINGS YOU DON’T EVEN WANT

THANKS TO THE IOWA INFOMERCIAL INSTITUTE.

THEY TAUGHT ME HOW TO SAY

"I LOVE MY RONCO COMBINATION FURNITURE REFINISHER AND FOOD DEHYDRATOR" WITH EASE

CUZ UP TIL THEN,

I’D ALWAYS DONE MY BEST WORK ON MY KNEES.

OKAY, SO I MADE SOME BAD CHOICES.

HUNG OUT WITH MEN OF ILL REPUTE

BUT I TURNED MY LIFE AROUND AND I’M HEADED FOR THE TOP

THANKS TO THE IOWA INFOMERCIAL INSTITUTE.